Air Travel Fun, Part 1
Today I'm leaving for a vacation for the weekend. And it's about time, I can only put up with the idiocy of the people I see every day for so long.
Since I'll be flying to my destination, I get the joy of experiencing all the fun things at the airport. Like getting fleeced for parking, the screening process, ticket check-in lines, privacy invasion, paranoid armed guards, and the subtle but constant threat of deep cavity searches. And we haven't even left the terminal yet!
And then there's the in-flight fun. There's something about blasting through the sky in a pressurized metal tube going over 500 mph at 35,000 feet with complete strangers at the controls that just seems absurd in the eyes of common sense. Oh, did I mention the thing you're flying in has engines that have to use FIRE to operate? Let's just hope that no one involved with the preflight inspections was hung over today.
Ever notice the seat belt? You get this flimsy pile of parts that wouldn't restrain you should the aircraft fly in any manner it was not designed to. Your car offers 3-point restraint. Race car drivers have 5-point restraints. I have this sick sense of dread when it comes to passenger safety devices. Something along the lines that the aircraft design budget was getting low, and they went with whatever happened to be scribbled on a paper napkin.
My favorite picture in the passenger information pamphlet is the "crash position" you're supposed to assume, if you're sitting in a row that doesn't have seats in front of it. All you have to do is tuck your head between your legs (kiss your butt goodbye) and wrap your arms around your knees. That looks like a sound survival technique to me. I wonder if that's been proven yet.
In addition, the strangers at the controls of the airplane are communicating with people on the ground who work in one of the most stressful occupations on the planet: Air traffic controller. Last I heard, these people tend to self-destruct, and/or take others with them when they pop a fuse.
To the special interest groups that got peanuts taken off the menu for the in-flight snack, I hold a special place for you in the grimiest corner of my heart. Now we're subject to pretzels that turn to paste the instant any moisture is added, i.e. saliva, soda, coffee, tea, or other beverage of choice. Or even better, I was on a morning flight that offered a "breakfast biscuit" that was little more than a glorfied cracker. At least peanuts didn't get stuck in my teeth as easily, and there was even a certain amount of health value to them. But, no more peanuts on airlines. Thanks guys. Peanut allergies... *sigh*
I really don't mind flying at all. It's even more fun to take my laptop with me and view my photo album of aviation-related disasters in full view of the public just before boarding, or after getting seated. Some of the looks on peoples' faces are priceless.
That being said, I think that travelling by air is a great experience. Between the sensation of your eardrums wanting to burst and the person next to you vomiting from air sickness, it's swell! Just don't use the bathroom unless it's a life-or-death situation. You think port-a-potties at a rock concert are bad...
Since I'll be flying to my destination, I get the joy of experiencing all the fun things at the airport. Like getting fleeced for parking, the screening process, ticket check-in lines, privacy invasion, paranoid armed guards, and the subtle but constant threat of deep cavity searches. And we haven't even left the terminal yet!
And then there's the in-flight fun. There's something about blasting through the sky in a pressurized metal tube going over 500 mph at 35,000 feet with complete strangers at the controls that just seems absurd in the eyes of common sense. Oh, did I mention the thing you're flying in has engines that have to use FIRE to operate? Let's just hope that no one involved with the preflight inspections was hung over today.
Ever notice the seat belt? You get this flimsy pile of parts that wouldn't restrain you should the aircraft fly in any manner it was not designed to. Your car offers 3-point restraint. Race car drivers have 5-point restraints. I have this sick sense of dread when it comes to passenger safety devices. Something along the lines that the aircraft design budget was getting low, and they went with whatever happened to be scribbled on a paper napkin.
My favorite picture in the passenger information pamphlet is the "crash position" you're supposed to assume, if you're sitting in a row that doesn't have seats in front of it. All you have to do is tuck your head between your legs (kiss your butt goodbye) and wrap your arms around your knees. That looks like a sound survival technique to me. I wonder if that's been proven yet.
In addition, the strangers at the controls of the airplane are communicating with people on the ground who work in one of the most stressful occupations on the planet: Air traffic controller. Last I heard, these people tend to self-destruct, and/or take others with them when they pop a fuse.
To the special interest groups that got peanuts taken off the menu for the in-flight snack, I hold a special place for you in the grimiest corner of my heart. Now we're subject to pretzels that turn to paste the instant any moisture is added, i.e. saliva, soda, coffee, tea, or other beverage of choice. Or even better, I was on a morning flight that offered a "breakfast biscuit" that was little more than a glorfied cracker. At least peanuts didn't get stuck in my teeth as easily, and there was even a certain amount of health value to them. But, no more peanuts on airlines. Thanks guys. Peanut allergies... *sigh*
I really don't mind flying at all. It's even more fun to take my laptop with me and view my photo album of aviation-related disasters in full view of the public just before boarding, or after getting seated. Some of the looks on peoples' faces are priceless.
That being said, I think that travelling by air is a great experience. Between the sensation of your eardrums wanting to burst and the person next to you vomiting from air sickness, it's swell! Just don't use the bathroom unless it's a life-or-death situation. You think port-a-potties at a rock concert are bad...
posted by That Brown Guy at 10:18 PM
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