The Joys of Dental Work
It's amazing, the kind of crap that goes through one's mind when deprived of enough sleep. Tonight, I actually found humor in being the recipient of dental surgery. Allow me to explain.
When I was in the navy, I was stationed on an aircraft carrier. At the time I was due for my annual dental exam, and they decided my wisdom teeth needed to be removed. I was mortified, not only by the thought of the agony that accompanies the process, but also by the fact that a stranger would have his paws jammed in my mouth and rummaging around in there for my teeth. Kind of like a demented tooth fairy in a white jacket.
My day of dental reckoning finally arrived. By then I had endured as many horror stories from other people as I cared to hear. And lucky me, we happened to be sailing through a storm, and the ship wasn't exactly level. Fantastic.
They sat me down so I could watch a video on the whole process of dental surgery. The video had a segment on anesthesia, and one of the possible side effects was a severe allergic reaction that could result in death. At that point I began to giggle uncontrollably. I tend to do that when I am in a totally helpless situation... nothing better to do but to laugh at Fate right before it grabs you by your privates in a vise-like grip and yanks.
The dental technician didn't take very kindly to my laughter, and thought even less of me since I couldn't explain what was so funny to me because of my giggling fit.
Into the chair I went. I noticed that it had wrist straps on the armrests. Not a good sign. I was given the anesthesia shots in my gums, and soon I could sense my drool over my chin. Before I knew it, they had my mouth jacked open and were prying away at my top molars. First it was a hard wrenching sensation, the ambience further enahnced by the blinding surgery light and the grunts of the dentist's failed attempts to loosen the teeth.
I desperately tried to keep my eyes closed, but at precisely the wrong instant, I cracked them open in time to see the dentist assaulting my upper jaw with something that looked like a demented pair of pliers. Shutting my eyes didn't help much to curb my anxiety. CRACK!!! CRUNCH!!!
I felt my molar shatter. Instinct tells me that sensation is not natural. It isn't. My sweaty hands grip the chair and my legs stiffen as I feel them pulling what's left of my shattered teeth out of my head.
As a final chance to gross me out, they show me a jar of red, viscous fluid. Appearently, that's what they sucked out of my mouth as they worked on me. THEY ACTUALLY SAVED THAT STUFF. Why???? I will never know. At that point, I was all but broken. My mouth was still numb, I had two fresh holes in my head, and could only imagine what the pain would be like once the meds wore off. I was put on bed rest and codeine for two days, and the pain was actually tolerable. But it was also a great time to slack off, sleep, and have people wait on me. I felt like a king. Despite all of that, I still have my two lower wisdom teeth, and one of my molars are chipped. I can hardly wait for my next dentist visit. Maybe dental work isn't so funny after all.
When I was in the navy, I was stationed on an aircraft carrier. At the time I was due for my annual dental exam, and they decided my wisdom teeth needed to be removed. I was mortified, not only by the thought of the agony that accompanies the process, but also by the fact that a stranger would have his paws jammed in my mouth and rummaging around in there for my teeth. Kind of like a demented tooth fairy in a white jacket.
My day of dental reckoning finally arrived. By then I had endured as many horror stories from other people as I cared to hear. And lucky me, we happened to be sailing through a storm, and the ship wasn't exactly level. Fantastic.
They sat me down so I could watch a video on the whole process of dental surgery. The video had a segment on anesthesia, and one of the possible side effects was a severe allergic reaction that could result in death. At that point I began to giggle uncontrollably. I tend to do that when I am in a totally helpless situation... nothing better to do but to laugh at Fate right before it grabs you by your privates in a vise-like grip and yanks.
The dental technician didn't take very kindly to my laughter, and thought even less of me since I couldn't explain what was so funny to me because of my giggling fit.
Into the chair I went. I noticed that it had wrist straps on the armrests. Not a good sign. I was given the anesthesia shots in my gums, and soon I could sense my drool over my chin. Before I knew it, they had my mouth jacked open and were prying away at my top molars. First it was a hard wrenching sensation, the ambience further enahnced by the blinding surgery light and the grunts of the dentist's failed attempts to loosen the teeth.
I desperately tried to keep my eyes closed, but at precisely the wrong instant, I cracked them open in time to see the dentist assaulting my upper jaw with something that looked like a demented pair of pliers. Shutting my eyes didn't help much to curb my anxiety. CRACK!!! CRUNCH!!!
I felt my molar shatter. Instinct tells me that sensation is not natural. It isn't. My sweaty hands grip the chair and my legs stiffen as I feel them pulling what's left of my shattered teeth out of my head.
As a final chance to gross me out, they show me a jar of red, viscous fluid. Appearently, that's what they sucked out of my mouth as they worked on me. THEY ACTUALLY SAVED THAT STUFF. Why???? I will never know. At that point, I was all but broken. My mouth was still numb, I had two fresh holes in my head, and could only imagine what the pain would be like once the meds wore off. I was put on bed rest and codeine for two days, and the pain was actually tolerable. But it was also a great time to slack off, sleep, and have people wait on me. I felt like a king. Despite all of that, I still have my two lower wisdom teeth, and one of my molars are chipped. I can hardly wait for my next dentist visit. Maybe dental work isn't so funny after all.
posted by That Brown Guy at 10:16 PM
1 Comments:
Are you crazy????
You should never ever laugh at the dentist.
You could be gummin' it for the rest of your life!
LOL
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